I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
