how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
