who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
