best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
