The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was born a porn star she said
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
