She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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