Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
