Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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