Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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