You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
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i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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