FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
