oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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