no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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