I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
