My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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