I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
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Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.