he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila