the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.