girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dating After Heartbreak
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.