Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I understand Curling. That high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
