Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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