Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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