Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
