I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
