She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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