Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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