wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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