he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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