She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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