I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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