so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
