It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
