I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
