since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
