How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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