Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
