he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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