I just pynch a tree in the face
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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