god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
