I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
