I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
