this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
