Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That accounts for only three of the penises
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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