Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mom said you looked used
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
