So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
