You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
