I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
