we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
