sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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