I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
