it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
