I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
