So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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