He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
