i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
