Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
