I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
