I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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